Maybeland

Maybe it's just because I'm awake at 4AM (again), but a strange thought just passed through my mind: I live in Maryland. Not only that, I've lived here for the past three and a half years. Though obviously that was short enough a timespan to allow the realization of "I live in Maryland" to still come as a surprise, at least at 4AM.

Obviously, I've needed to remember what state I live in for various practical reasons; the issue, I think, is that I always think of myself as living in Baltimore, rather than Baltimore, Maryland. Whether by its inhabitants or outsiders, it seems that Baltimore is always regarded as an entity unto itself, instead of as a component of the larger Maryland system. Whether one is talking about the ghetto and the crime rate--inflated to quasi-caricature proportions by The Wire etc.--or the demented hysterics of the Wham City music scene--elevated to near-mythological status by Pitchfork Media etc.--Baltimore seems to have a mind and spirit of its own. The very name carries a character, a philosophy; the word "Baltimore" has become a law unto itself, and in the words of Neil Feather, it's "like a sick joke; you either get it or you don't." Sometimes one gets the impression Baltimore doesn't so much exist within the state of Maryland--or even the country--as alongside and separate from it, and the insiders and outsiders gaze upon each other as though at their own reflections in a funhouse mirror, and shrug symmetrically.

Which is all an illusion, of course, and I understand the truth in a cerebral way, but it's easy for me to forget there are rural expanses out to the west, and blue-collar communities, and naval cadets up in Annapolis (among whom is my high school friend Adam), none of which are very distant in the grand scheme of things. The illusion is compounded by the fact that I haven't really been to many places in Maryland outside of Baltimore, Towson, and Washington DC if it counts; in fact, I rack my brain to think of any. There was that one time I auditioned for a band in the suburbs, Lijuan's wedding in a suburban church, and that time I went to a Chinese restaurant with some of my mother's friends, but those were only for a few hours each. I've never been to College Park or Annapolis, though I know people who lived or live in those places. This really isn't right; it shouldn't be this hard to get around, even without a car. I wish it were easier to have the time and means to explore.

All in all, this is significantly unlike when I was in boarding school in New Jersey; although I spent most of my time in the Lawrenceville-Princeton-Trenton area, obviously, Andrew and I drove to various places around the state, including the shore. Also, the central NJ nexus was much more an example of the general state of New Jersey than an exception, at least compared to the relationship between Baltimore and Maryland.

I'm actually sort of excited for this semester and for all the traveling that will hopefully take place. The trip to Long Beach for the Biophysical Society conference the second week of February is already a given. Also, for grad school interviews, I'll be visiting some cities I've never laid eyes on: Boston, San Francisco, perhaps Nashville. I haven't felt wanderlust in a while; I wasn't particularly excited to make the move to Baltimore three and a half years ago, and the move to New Jersey was even less of a conscious decision. In fact, I can't remember the last time I was truly excited to see some place new. I know I went to Pittsburgh and Cleveland last week, but there's something different to that: because I was with the people I usually hang out with, and spending most of the time partying at their houses, it seemed like more of the same, but in a different location. Maybe things will be different if I'm more or less traveling solo in a new city on business (in the loosest sense of the word)?

Of course, all of this is moot if I don't get interviews from any of the grad programs. But then I will probably be booted back to Taiwan after I graduate, get nailed with mandatory civil/military service, and die fighting the Communists. So it's not really worth thinking about for now.