And some days I look in the mirror and I realized how fucking tired I am--how tired I am of always thinking that I'm not good enough at the things I want to do or be for either myself or those I care about. I look forward and see only the things I haven't done. I look down and see only the things I can't do. I look backward and see only things I did wrong, and don't even know what they were. I'm tired of thinking the future will be better and the present could be better, tired of pushing myself to be more. If the present trajectory ends in flames, some days I just want to let it all burn.
Even when people tell me I'm good enough I don't believe them. Is this what I found in the summer of 2005?
School's getting to me. What's school but something that's only justified on the premise that what you know and what you are are not enough? You can't strain a boy for fifteen years and not expect him to warp.
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